For the time I have missed the last several days

I finally have a few minutes to write an update of some sort. This is liable to be kinda long, so if you are really interested, then good, but if you are not, you might wanna skip out now! Lol

A lot has happened since the day before Thanksgiving. My family got here on Thanksgiving Eve and I was never so glad to see them. My children have been having a difficult time being away from me and it really worries me a lot. So, to see their faces as often as I can is truly a blessing for us all. I miss my husband too, but he and I are adults and we understand things a lot more than they do. Of course, it is still difficult to be away from anyone that you love and care about, so we are just dealing with it the best that we can for now.

On Thanksgiving, I was able to hold Kadin for the first time ever. It was the most awesome experience. I waited 24 days to get my arms around him … Well, I guess I should say to get him on my chest, cuz that is where he went. If you looked at my recent added pictures, you probably saw the ones of him on my chest and my make up all dripping down my face! J I could barely calm myself down when they laid him on my chest. I can’t describe the feelings that stirred in my heart and soul when he was laying on me. It was the most precious thing. He is so small, yet he is gaining good weight and growing in length, too. I was able to hold him again thru the weekend and yesterday, so I have more pictures to add of that.

As far as an update on Kadin, things did not change much for him since last time I updated. However, today the Dr. said he is acting as though he is trying to get an infection. He has an IV in his leg, which is called a PICC line (they call it something else too, but I forget) and it runs all the way into a main artery in a central location of his body. This is necessary because he is not a good candidate for IV’s. His veins are not big enough to hold an IV for very long at one time. Anyway, the PICC line could possibly be the origination of the possible infection. We don’t know yet. A blood culture was done today to find out if there is an infection in his blood. If there is, they will remove the PICC line and just have to stick him however many times it takes to keep an IV in his body. He is receiving 2 antibiotics thru the day right now to help kill off any infection that might be growing. His xrays look great today, an improvement from yesterday when the Dr. had to give him medication to pull off the water. This seems to be a common thing for him. He also likes to de-saturate, which means he is not blowing off the CO2 in his lungs properly. This is a problem he has regularly and it sometimes causes him to “Brady” which means that his heart rate drops and he usually has to be “bagged” to bring his heart rate back to where it needs to be and keeps him breathing. He is taking in 14 ml of breast milk right now every 3 hours, which is just amazing to me. Not sure where it all goes, lol. It is given to him thru his feeding tube over a period of about 30 minutes. He is tolerating that well also and the dr. said as long as he is still doing well thru this possible infection, he won’t stop his feedings. He intended to go up to “full feeds” today but is holding off til we know something about the blood culture. He was also scheduled to try bubble cpap again today but that is also on hold until tomorrow. So, some good and some bad things for today, but overall, it’s just the life of a Preemie and we work thru it. Infections in babies as small as Kadin can very easily be life threatening, so I am worried about this and sat at his bedside this morning praying over him and talking to him. I know he doesn’t feel good. He just looked lifeless laying in his incubator. I have always been told that babies that don’t feel good don’t move and I had never seen Kadin not move, until today. It just frightens me and concerns me, so I pray that we have caught whatever we need to in time to kill it off before anything drastic takes place. I will be going to see him again in just a little bit and will know if he is doing better. He was getting blood when I left earlier and that usually helps him feel better, for some reason.

As of right now, Kadin is weighing right at 2 pounds and has grown an entire inch since he was born. He is so precious, but he is still probably the smallest baby in the NICU. He is one month old tomorrow but gestationally he is 28 weeks. We have to think of him as if he were still in my tummy because that is where he is supposed to be. When his due date comes along, it will be as if he is a newborn. He will then be ready to act like a newborn, etc …. so he will be behind developmentally about 3 months since he was born so early but by the time he reaches 2 or 3, he will be caught up and probably doing fine.

It is still a day by day thing. You never know what is going to happen. Babies this small are extremely susceptible to problems and sickness. Even though he has done very well for the past week or so, he could still suffer issues that can’t be fixed or explained. I spend quite a bit of time at the hospital just sitting there watching him. Occassionally I will ask questions that come to mind but for the most part, I just talk to him and cup him in my hands. I found out last night I am able to give him his baths if I come at the right time. Also, the nurses are so very helpful. That unit is amazing to me. We have our own RN staff just for the babies, the dr.s are there just for the babies, we have our own Respiratory team especially for the babies … it is amazing. One of the girls made him a birth announcement card and a Baby’s First Thanksgiving card this weekend. He will get to have his picture made with Santa next week too. I am so excited !!!!

When my family was here, we spent Thanksgiving with my Aunt Rose and some of her side of the family. I was able to see a couple of my cousins I have not seen in many years. It was pretty neat. They are older than me, but the times we had as kids and teens is still fresh in my mind! After we ate and visited with them, we took off for Breckenridge to see JT. We can’t be gone from the RMH for more than 24 hours so we left at 6PM and came home the next afternoon. It was nice to see him and Cassie and just hang out. The kids really loved being with him and getting to ride in his truck for the first time, especially with HIM driving. He took me for a ride to Allsup’s and I was impressed. My boy can drive a stick shift! Lol It brought back memories for me of first learning to drive and my dad getting me a standard vehicle. And we lived at the bottom of a stinkin hill so starting the car and going anywhere was a real challenge some days. But, I loved that car and have fond memories of driving it all over creation ……

We are trying to find cheap entertainment for the kids since we still have bills to pay and responsibilities to look after thru all of this. So on Saturday, we decided we would take the kids to see a Disney on Ice show. It wasn’t going to be very cheap … $60 for all of us to get in to see the show, but we talked about it and figured we would one thing really special for them while they were here. Since Danny lost his job, we have been very careful about what we do because he still has to find a job. Anyway … so Danny dropped us off at the door to buy tickets while he went to park the truck. I was standing in line thinking “I hope this is a good decision to do this!” when a woman walked up to the woman in front of me and started asking her questions. She asked her how many were in her party and how many tickets she was going to need to buy. The woman just kinda looked at her and said “Just me and my daughter” so she turned to me and asked me how many we had in our party and how many tickets we were going to be needing … I said “We have 4, my husband is parking the truck!” … So she just handed me 4 tickets and said “They are free. We can’t use them and I don’t want them to go to waste!” My immediate reaction was “Oh my gosh! Praise God!” I was so shocked and surprised that I just stood there with my mouth open. Later when we got to the seats, I told her again (since her other seats were right next to ours now) how much we appreciated her kind gesture and a little bit about our circumstance and she was just blessed beyond comprehension. I know she is going to receive many more blessings from that selfless act.

I have a lot more to write about but not enough time really. I will go to the hospital in a little bit and then after that I will attend a support group meeting that has been very helpful for me. I actually look forward to it and I go with a friend I have made here in the RMH. I think I mentioned her, she is from San Angelo and has been a great means of friendship and support for me … and me for her.

I will be here in the RMH until December 18th and then I will be relocating to a motel nearby. It is the rules of the house that you can stay for 45 days at a time and then you have to move to the motel for 2 weeks to allow other families to move into the RMH and also for some to move out. My 45 days will be up on the 18th and then I will be able to move back on January 1st. Not looking forward to that, but I sent a lot of things home with my husband yesterday to help lessen the load.

Another interesting thing that has happened recently … I was contacted by the daughter of a wonderful friend of mine (Sue, HI!) and she told me that some people from her church in Brownwood were wanting to do a benefit concert for us. I was floored … wow, really? Just for us? She wrote and said that the plan was for 3 or 4 Praise and Worship teams to perform then the headlining Christian Band would perform later. I think she said this would be at Howard Payne University and the local radio station there would handle the advertisement of it. It is in the works for her and my family and the headlining band to meet sometime in the near future to get this off the ground. I am so excited. I don’t even know what to say. You know … I am so very grateful for anything that anyone has done to help us, but it is discouraging when you are told that certain things are going to take place and nothing happens. My prayer is to never tell anyone that I will do something for them and then not do it. So my prayer for this is that if it’s God’s will for it to take place, and I believe that it is … then everything will fall into place and things will be wonderful. I can just imagine how many people will be ministered to at this concert. Praise and Worship is the heart of my being … I love music, but Praise and Worship reaches a part of my being that only God can reach. So if any of you think you might like to travel to Brownwood soon, I will update with the date and time of this event should it all fall together like I pray it will.

Not my will, Lord, but yours ….

I am dealing with another issue at this moment that I don’t really care to write about in this blog. I will write a blog specifically for that issue, but I ask for your prayers beforehand and hope God gives me some peace of mind about it. My children are not doing very well without me, though others say they are doing just fine … my children are telling me and exhibiting behaviors that indicate the exact opposite and I know a change needs to be made. I will write more about that later tonight … I think. Just pray for us please ….

I will write more later … the liquid gold is calling my name !!!

Blessings,

Leslie and Family