A Victorious Day

I am praising God that we had a victorious day. I have learned quickly in the first 3 days not to get excited about anything, and not to get upset about anything, just take it as it comes, deal with it, keep a positive attitude, and wait for the next milestone.
I just about finished getting settled into the RMH. It is quite an adjustment to "move" so suddenly. It has helped me a great deal to have Danny here with me for the comfort and familiarity. He helped me accomplish a lot today. I don't think I could have done it without him. Maybe a better description would be that I don't want to. I know you all understand how unsettling it is for you to go thru such sudden change and then have to do it alone. I have never been one who adapts to change very well, so having it slung in my lap has had me doing loops.
I am managing to not cry as much now. Either that, or I have just had a spectuacular day. I pray for the day that I don't shed a tear. It is so difficult though. I miss my whole world. That world consists of my precious children and my home. I know I can't leave here while part of my heart is lying in Harris Methodist NICU. It just isn't going to happen. I know also that part of the crying has to do with hormones, but I can't help but think if I had not just given birth to a baby, I would still be feeling the same way about having to be away from my children that I need so much, and who also need me greatly.
I set my alarm last night to get up every 3 hours and pump milk. It is up to me to provide that nutrition for our baby boy, so I was determined to get up and pump. I have a really nice double breast pump that came from the breastfeeding resource center of the hospital. I have never seen one like this before, but it is really nice. Since Kadin is in NICU, I got a month's rental for free. I got up 3 times in the night and pumped and got absolutely nothing. I did the same routine thru out the day and finally ... FINALLY! at 5PM's pump session I got enough to cover the bottom of a plastic sterile bottle. YAY !!!!! They told me in the NICU they did not care if I could only provide droplets at this point, any was better than nothing, and with him being so small, drops is all he will be able to handle. I was so excited I had to take pictures of the milk. Big dork, but hey ... like I said earlier, another milestone! I also managed to get more milk pumped later in the evening, so my hopes are high for what I will get in the night.
We visited Kadin a couple of times today and called a few times for updates. When we visited this morning, the Dr. said Kadin had some changes in the night around 2:30AM, and not for the better. This is what his list of changes looked like:
♥ Kadin's metabolic acid production is elevated. This could be caused by several things, one of them being that he is urinating so much. This isn't necessarily a bad thing that he urinates so much because that shows that his kidneys are functioning very well. However, they have to eliminate the cause of the elevation.
♥ A head sonogram is scheduled or tomorrow (11-06-08) to check for brain bleeds and see if that is the cause of the elevation.
♥ Kadin had a slight fever in the night but quickly snapped out of that issue.
♥ Upon our visitation this morning, the nurse was sedating Kadin somewhat because he had become very irritated and she wanted him to calm down and rest. It worked rather quickly.
♥ Kadin is riding the ventilator. They had to move him back up from a 15 to a 44 but he is not receiving any extra oxygen. He is breathing the same air that we breathe and doing very well with it. He has figured out with the ventilator turned up, he doesn't have to work hard at it, but they are moving him back down slowly.
♥ His white blood cell count is still up but falling. Good indication that the infection is being fought well with the antibiotics. His immature white blood cell count is up, and the Dr. doesn't like to see this. Red blood cell count is wonderful after receiving blood yesterday.
♥ Kadin continues to receive his "steak and taters" ... vitamins, fats, proteins, all that good stuff necessary for growing plump!
There were no changes to report for the rest of the day. Usually, SOMETHING changes, but nothing today. Very encouraging for us. When we visited tonight he became very excited and started moving all around. He recognized our voices and was excited that we were there. The nurse said he would get excited at first but it would have a soothing effect on him. I didn't realize just how much, but he had his little excitement period then he relaxed and went to sleep. It's awesome to see ... that such a small being can react the way he does. The nurse said he does not act the same when he is with all the nurses and the minute we walk in he is all excited. I love it ... I feel the bond forming and I could not be happier.
Did I mention that I am totally in love with this baby's feet? They are so precious. They are PERFECT. I mean, they are so small yet so wonderfully made. I have a lot of pictures to add to his album, so I will be doing that probably tomorrow. We have so many pictures of him.
The hospital volunteers make blankets to put over the baby's incubators and tonight we got to see Kadin's. It is so precious. It has tons of bold colors in it, mostly red, blue, and yellow, and I love it. I have a picture of it too and will post it also tomorrow probably. They can't put it on his bed until his "light" gets turned off. He isn't jaundiced or anything, I just can't remember why he has the light.
Also, I have started a blog at blogspot.com .... I am going to make these updates public so that others who do not have a myspace can read them and get updates. If you know anyone who is interested in reading them, the url is:
http://kadinsjourney.blogspot.com/
I will have pictures on there also, just not sure when I will get all that done. Probably when I am totally alone. I don't want to "double-do" myself but there are a lot of ppl that don't have a myspace that can't read my updates that are sending me emails and texts wanting to know how things are. I hope this will be a good method of communication and maybe help someone else along the way.
I am seeing things much brighter today. My faith is growing every day. I have much hope for our child and his progress. I know just as he has good days and bad days, so will I, but I pray that my faith will keep me more on the up side than the down side, even in the storm.
I have not really answered very many messages and have certainly not posted any comments to others lately, but I hope you all understand. I am receiving ssssoooooooo many messages and it is hard for me to answer them all. I do want you all to know that I am appreciative of all the well wishes and prayers that are on our behalf. It means a lot to me and my family. I know some of you have written saying you want to come visit. I am really uncertain about how each of my days are going to be at this point. I am trying to get myself into a good routine for eating, sleeping, pumping, visiting Kadin, laundry, bills, down time, etc .... It may be another week or so before I feel settled enough to sit and visit with anyone. I am fairly certain that at this point, Kadin can have no visitors other than family. I will have to ask about that.
Thank you all for everything ... I can't express to you enough how much it means to me that when tough times come around, everyone seems to pull together and get thru it. I was notified today that there is going to be a bake sale in our honor next Friday to help defray the cost of travel and any other expenses. I was also told there is an account being set up at the bank in town for donations for the same ... I was very humbled at this news and extremely grateful and appreciative. It is such a comfort to me that others are willing to help ..... It just reminds me that I am in the same position as many others were in when I donated to them ... five dollars here, ten dollars there .... brownies, cakes, cookies sold on their behalf to raise a little money. There are always big jars around town to help someone in the community and I am so glad that I gave during those times. I would be glad regardless, but it just seems to mean more to me now that I may know somewhat of what others went thru in their times of need ....
I will close this with a heavy heart for a good night hug and kiss from my children. Those are the simple things that mean so much to my world. They are what pull me thru on a daily basis, and I would give anything to hold my little Kota's hand as he falls asleep at night, to smell his sweetness after his bedtime bath, to say a prayer with him as I tuck him in bed ... to feel sissy's hair and how soft she got it drying it after her shower, to hear her sweet voice tell me "I luh you too momma!" as she takes herself to bed. I will never again take for granted any of those precious things. I will savor them every single minute that I can. The are the heart of me and I just pray they know how much they are loved and missed.

Love from deep within,
Leslie