Alone

It sucks. Plain and simple. Thank GOD it's only 4 more days until I see my family again. I can't wait. They are such a vital part to my surviving this. More importantly than me making it thru, I worry about them. I have tried to be encouraging and not cry much around them but when my little boy looks up to me with tears in his eyes and says "Mommy I don't wanna leave you!" I can't help but break down. My babygirl grabs onto me and won't let go ... yeah, I tend to get a little more than weapy eyed. I know it's going to be ok, but my children are my world and I want them to be ok.

Kadin is still doing well today. They made some adjustments on his ventilator this weekend but when his doctor came in this morning he did not seem to like the changes and was getting clarification on what the changes meant and all that. He was going to update me this afternoon when I went to see the baby but it seemed like they had a pressing issue with another baby and he was busy. I will get the update in the morning since he will be there. No biggie really since Kadin is doing so well. If anything changes of significance, they will call me anyway.

I never thought I would be so glad to report any news about poopie diapers! But Kadin had his frst really big poopie diaper today about 2:30!! She said he filled his diaper, which really isn't that much considering the size of his diapers, but still, for him, it was a LOT and I was so thrilled!

It is so quiet in my room. What I wouldn't give for some noise from my children. Their presence is very much needed right now. They have only been gone for about half an hour but it seems like forever.

I am battling a headache today. Not sure what it's origin is, but I am thinking it is one of my teeth. Great. That's all I need. My wisdom tooth doesn't seem to be doing very well. Nothing is touching the headache.

I suppose I am going to finish straightening my room now and get everything organized again. We kinda just let the kids take over the room this weekend, trying to make it theirs .... feeling comfortable in the place. My mom bought me some pineapple juice, which I absolutely LOVE, and I need to take that to my fridge. Not even supposed to have it in my room. Woops, rule breaker!!! After I am finished in here I will probably go dowwnstairs to eat and then wait to go see my son again .....

For my family ... I miss you more than words can say. I know we will be together again shortly and until then we will do everything we can to "see" each other, talk, text, whatever. I pray that this time goes swiftly so that we will all be home with Kadin and watching our lives continue to unfold. I LOVE YOU ALL!